Eau de Trollette
Lets hear it from Ugh & Bõögâr, two trolls who have taken over the Icelandic Pavilion at the Venice Biennale this summer and are brewing up a warts n’ all perfume for the show with a little help from Geza Schoen.
– How do trolls smell without perfume?
UGH: Troll smell troll!!!! Like Bõögâr troll, like Ugh troll, like mama troll, like uncle troll…
BÕÖGÂR: Human smell food!
Egill (Sæbjörnsson, an artist who translates for the trolls): Yeah… so there you go… they are saying that trolls smell like trolls and Ugh & Bõögâr like the smell of humans… The smell of humans for them is like the smell of French fries or coffee for us.
Larry Gagosian was visiting because he had heard about the trolls…
– What kind of perfume are you cooking up with Geza?
UGH: Troll make perfume put humans, volcano, moaner liser, Porrock, Glarry, car… many car… humans…
BÕÖGÂR: Boogar pee in perfume!!!!!!
UGH: BÕÖGÂR NOT PEE! NOT GOOD! BÕÖGÂR NOT PEE IN PERFUME!
Egill: Well, they put a lot of typical ingredients. They put the Mona Lisa. The Louvre in Paris doesn’t know it, but we replaced it with one of Gelitin’s Mona Lisas and the guard is short-sighted. Then one day Larry Gagosian was visiting because he had heard about the trolls and he was interested in meeting them. That ended terribly. He was going all the way to the troll pot that was standing in the middle of the floor, and he stuck his nose in to smell it and then Bõögar just pushed him in. So Larry is in it. They also put whale puke in the perfume, which is an ingredient Geza showed them, and they also put cars for experimentation. I mean Geza told me that their sense for putting weird things together is amazing. He said that he almost didn’t have to do anything.
Sorry to tell you this but if you wear Molecule 01 you are more likely to be eaten by trolls
– Have either of you ever tried any of Geza’s Escentric Molecule fragrances on a hot troll date?
UGH: I never go date, Bõögaâr not allow me.
BÕÖGÂR: Not true Ugh. You don’t know use Tinder.
UGH: Tinder is for eat people, for troll not good to go date.
BÕÖGÂR: There is Troll Tinder too.
UGH: YES? What called?
Egill: They have never tried Geza’s Escentric Molecules, although I have noticed that they do get attracted to people that wear it. But their attraction is about eating those people… in other words, sorry to tell you this, but if you use Molecule 01 you are more likely to be eaten by trolls.
– Are you two planning to eat Geza at the end of this project?
UGH: Bõögar not eat Geza!!!!
BÕÖGÂR: Bõögâr EAT Geza!!!
UGH: Bõögâr NOT eat Geza!!!!!!
BÕÖGÂR: Bõögâr EAAAAT GezAAAA!!!!
UGH: Bõöõöõögaâr NOOOOOOOOT eat Geza!!!!!!
BÕÖGÂR: Bõögâr EAT GEZA NOW!!!!!!!!!
Egill: STOP STOP STOP GUYS! This is not the time to fight over this. Bõögâr is a bit short-sighted and doesn’t understand that if he eats Geza, there will be no one else to help them making proper perfume.
BÕÖGÂR: TROLL HUNGRY
UGH: TROLL EAT CHINESE TOURIST NOT GEZA!
BÕÖGÂR: TROLL GET TROLL EAT!
UGH: BÕÖGÂR, DON’T EAT GEZA TODAY OK! IF YOU EAT GEZA TODAY, EGILL NO MORE MAKE ART WITH US! OK!
BÕÖGÂR: OK OK… I EAT GEZA TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!
Geza’s fragrance with Ugh & Bõögâr is on sale at the pavilion, together with troll kaka and other specialist troll souvenirs.